Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.


I read this poem on Shiloh's blog a month or so ago. It is very fitting for today. Today we would have been celebrating Baby K's 1st birthday. A year ago my shoes hurt daily as I walked in them. I wondered if I'd ever be able to walk without feeling the pain. Today the shoes don't hurt as much. Mike and I both still miss our sweet little one and look forward to a reunion in Heaven some day, however, I no longer dwell on that grief. I have been able to comfort several women who are wearing the same shoes...and am more equipped to do so because I'm wearing the same shoes. Instead of focusing on the loss, I focus on the joy. I am overwhelmed with joy every day when Barrett smiles at me (and he smiles A LOT!) I know I've said it before, but if we hadn't lost Baby K, I wouldn't be holding Barrett. Yes, we miss holding Baby K here on earth, but we rejoice in the fact that hopefully one day we will be with all 3 of our children in Heaven!

Even though Baby K's not with us on earth, we will always remember. Brody already knows that he has a brother or sister that's waiting for him in Heaven and we plan to share our excitement of the reunion with Brody and Barrett as they get older.