I just realized that I never blogged about this. I guess with all the emails between family...I thought I had!
Most of you have had events happen in your life that you'll never forget where you were when...when you heard JFK died, when you saw the newscast with planes crashing into the World Trade Center, when you rounded the corner and saw your church building ablaze...I had one of those unforgettable moments the day after Christmas 2007.
I was in my parents' bathroom taking a shower. Mike walked into the bathroom and gave me the news. Daddy Ken has stage 4 cancer. It had spread. It was not just confined to his lungs (something they could have performed surgery on). Instead he is looking at the long road of chemotherapy. I remember just crying in the shower...letting the water wash away my tears. I remember saying to Mike, "But I thought his appointment wasn't until this next week? How does he know this already?!?" He told me how Daddy Ken and Grandmommy had received the news several days earlier but wanted to wait until after Christmas to tell everyone...so that we could enjoy a Christmas filled with joy and laughter rather than one with fear and tears. Immediately my thoughts went to my Dad and Cindy. How were they handling this news about their dad?
Mike brought me out of my moment of dispair by reminding me that God has done many great works in Daddy Ken's life...and what's one more?!? He turned my thoughts to how strong Daddy Ken is. He has had some very difficult trials in his life. Trials that I'm not sure I would've been able to withstand! He had such a horrible bout of pneumonia last year and the doctors said he'd have to be on oxygen the rest of his life. He proved them wrong! He looked so strong and fit at Christmas that I was sure that the cancer hadn't spread.
Upon further investigation, they found a small spot of cancer on his brain too. This past month Daddy Ken started chemotherapy and radiation. They sent us pictures of him the other day. I was almost afraid to look at them at first. Afraid that seeing Daddy Ken without his full head of "blonde" (as he calls it) hair would be too much of a reality check for me. I didn't know if I could handle it. When I looked at the pictures...I was shocked! Not only is he very handsome bald, he looks great! He has a smile on his face and is very healthy looking. I have to say that I haven't ever seen a cancer patient that looks as good bald as Daddy Ken does!!!
It would be easy for me to allow myself to think sullen thoughts. I could sit here and think about how much I want our children to know Daddy Ken. I could think about all the things I'll miss about Daddy Ken when he dies. It's inevitable...all of us are going to die some day (including Daddy Ken), but we don't know when that day will be! At Christmas, just before we got into car to drive back to Arlington, Daddy Ken gave me a hug and said, "I'm going home." while he pointed up towards Heaven. Whether the day comes in 2 years or 10 years...I'm so thankful that I know where Daddy Ken will go. I am thankful for the sacrifice that Christ made for us on the cross...and that since I believe in Christ I can know WITHOUT A DOUBT that I will get to spend eternity in Heaven with God, Jesus, Baby K, Grandpa, Daddy Ken, and the rest of my brothers and sisters in Christ!
That doesn't mean I stop petitioning the Lord. No! Every day we pray as a family for strength for both Daddy Ken and Grandmommy. We also pray that the Lord will work a miracle in Daddy Ken. That he will heal him and allow him to spend many more years on earth with us! What can I say? I'm selfish. I want him here!
7 comments:
Staci, I'm so sorry about this news. I will be praying for Daddy Ken and the rest of your family. It is so comforting to know that when life on earth ends, we have a family waiting for us.
You are all in our prayers.
We're selfish in that regard too- we want him here and are constantly praying for a miracle! We are a very blessed family and I am grateful for each and every one of you :)
My dearest Staci, i have so many people praying for me that the Lord likss to take them into cosideration. i only hope that i can be around to see all of my great grandchildren grow up a little at least. i have such wonderful grandchildren and children that they should grow into great grandchildren. their parents are so dear to me and their grandparents are mine. all are all a man could wish for in his lifetime and each of my grancchildren picked wives or husbands that would please any grandfather. Know that I love you all and always will. Thankyou for the beautiful blog. Daddy Ken
I have a friend at work that has a brother-in-law going through radiation the same time, same hospital as Daddy-Ken.......he has no hope. They will not let him take chemo because he is too weak. They will lose him, and she said he will not last much longer, as he is very weak and in great pain, the tumor is growing, and he can no longer breathe comfortably. She told me this yesterday. I thought how fortunate we are that Daddy Ken was strong enough to take the chemo, how blessed we are that Dr. Ehsan found the tumor in the brain (it was so small they missed it the first time). It is very hard watching him have so much pain after the chemo, and even harder watching him become weak. Mother is the strongest woman I have ever known. She has set such a wonderful example for us all to follow. Daddy Ken has shown us not to give up hope, to keep fighting, because life is worth fighting for. I have learned so much by watching them go through this trial in their life. I know they will come out of it stronger, more caring, more loving, more appreciative of each and every breath.......as each of us will do after this is all over. I love you all. I have the most wonderful family in the world. Thank God for you all.
staci, I had not seen a picture of your Daddy Ken till this one. Makes it real. May God continue to watch over him and bless him!
As someone who just lost my first Grandparent (Grandpa) yesterday, I totally understand your last sentence. I want my Grandpa back more than I can even express. While I'm so excited that he has seen Jesus' face, I am selfishly having a hard time right now.
JB
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