Sunday, September 01, 2013

AHC - The Call

February 12, 2013

Why do I know in my gut that the phone call I just received is different than any others?  Tonight I got call from Kristin with Covenant Kids.  She said she was looking for a placement for an African American baby girl who was born at 35 weeks on February 10th.  She said she’s perfectly healthy (at 4 lbs 10 oz)...just early.  Kristin wanted our permission to show our profile book to the birth mom.  I told her I would talk with Mike and would text her back later tonight.  She is meeting with the birth mom on Thursday and would like to show her our profile and that of another couple.

When I hung up the phone I immediately fell prostrate on the kitchen floor.  I couldn’t stop shaking.  For some reason the thought kept running through my head, “This is what you’ve been waiting for!  This is why it has taken so long…because I wanted you to parent this little girl!”  I’ve never felt this way (in the past) after one of these calls.  I was crying and praying.  I didn’t even know what to pray, so I just begged the Holy Spirit to speak on behalf of me. 

I tried to call Mike, but he was in meetings.  I texted him and told him that we needed to talk about a call I got from CK today.  When he walked in the door after work (an hour after the call) I was still shaking.  I looked at him and said through tears, “I think this is it!  I think this is what we’ve been waiting for.”  He grinned and asked why and I said, “I don’t know.  I just have a feeling.” 

Then reality sunk back in.  We began to talk about all the reasons why we had been talking about quitting.  What happened to the December 31st deadline?  Weren’t we supposed to call and quit at the end of the year?  Do we really want to ride this roller coaster again?  What if we are chosen?  Are we ready for all that entails?  What if we’re not chosen?  Can we handle the feeling of rejection again?  We gave knowing glances to each other as we ate dinner with the boys and put them to bed.  It wasn’t until we got them to bed that we sat down on the couch and really had time to talk.  After some discussion and a few tears (on my part), we decided to let her show our profile to the birth mom.  If it was God’s will that this little girl is a part of our family…who are we to say “no”?!  If it’s not His will that she is in our family, then us saying “yes” to showing our profile won’t put her here.
I have now gone from the immense high of “this is it!” to the low of “Don’t get your hopes up.  No one has chosen y’all yet. You don’t wanna get your heart broken again.”  I guess all we can do now is pray and wait.

**If you're just now joining us in our adoption journey...make sure you use the links on the right side of the blog to start at the beginning of our story...Answering His Call**

No comments: