AHC - Why is my faith so weak?

February 2012 – Yes….almost year has gone by without any action on the adoption front.  Mike and I are getting frustrated.  Things in our file are beginning to expire.  We’re getting emails from CK with lists of things to update.  We don’t know what to tell them because we’re not even sure if we should continue, so I avoid their calls and don’t return emails.  Finally we get an email that says we have until Friday to respond.  We decide to call them on Friday and ask them to place us on hold. 

On Wednesday I get out of Women’s Bible Study and have a message on my phone to call CK about a potential placement.  I’m shocked when I find out that the little boy is 5 years old.  Mike is out of town on a business trip when I call with the news.  We pray about it overnight and then decide to tell CK that we’re willing to move forward, but we are hesitant because of his age.  Over the next 3 months, God gives Mike and me a peace (and excitement) about this little boy becoming part of our family. 

During this time my cousin, Ginger, emails about a potential placement.  When that doesn’t work out, we take it as more confirmation that we are on the right path by seeking to adopt this little boy.  The bio family has said they want to place him in our family and we arrange for a meeting.  Mike and I meet with the involved parties of the bio family (the maternal side) at CK.  The meeting went really well and all parties involved were comfortable with moving forward.  Mike and I started planning for all the changes that would come with adding another 5 year old to our family and we were anxious to get the transition time started and get this little boy involved in our daily life. 

Today we got a call that changed everything.  The bio dad has now stepped into the picture.  For now, the door has been closed.  The little boy that we’ve been looking at pictures of, praying for, and planning for will not become part of our family.  Today the emotions are raw.  I have invested so much emotionally into this child without ever having met him and it breaks my heart to know that I will never hold him and share my love with him! 

I have to keep telling myself that God is in control of this….and I know that with time I will be able to thank God for taking us on this journey.  Right now, however, I’m so frustrated!  Mike and I were so hesitant about this placement and prayed that if this was the direction God wanted us to go that he would give us both a peace about it.  He did!  Why?!?  Why did he lead us down this road for months only to come to another dead end?  Why are we still waiting for a child to be placed in our home after years of putting aside our desires to follow the road God has laid out for us?  Why am I questioning God’s plan? Why is my faith not strong enough to just say, “Ok Lord!  I’m ready to wait on your timing.”?  Why has God called us to adopt and given us this passion when we already have two amazing boys?  Our boys are more than enough…so why is he asking us to take in another child to be a part of our family? How long will we walk this road of waiting?  Why is adoption so hard?!?   

It may seem like such an easy thing to so many, but adoption is not easy.  It will take all the emotional and physical strength you have to make it to the end.  I have no clue how anyone makes it though the adoption process without having strength from the Lord!  I know that someday God will place a child in our family.  When he does, we will be so thankful that he made us wait.  We won’t be able to imagine our life without that child in our family.  I also know that the day that child joins our family is only the beginning of this journey simply known as adoption.

**If you're just now joining us in our adoption journey...make sure you use the links on the right side of the blog to start at the beginning of our story...Answering His Call**