Thursday, August 29, 2013

AHC - Preparation for future trials?

The following thoughts were penned in October 2012

Sometimes we don’t have any desire to continue with the adoption process.  We look at our boys and see how amazing they are and how well they get along and we think “why mess with a good thing?”  Little seeds of doubt seem to be more prevalent these days.  Here’s a list of just a few of the thoughts that have been invading:

·         Traveling is so much nicer now that the boys are older.  We can actually enjoy a vacation!  Do we want to go back to traveling with a baby?  Worrying about them waking our traveling companions or hotel neighbors?

·         Can we handle diapers, middle of the night feedings, and a crying baby that can’t communicate with us along with everything else we have going on (my grad school, Mike’s demanding job, the boys’ busy schedules)?

·         If we get a placement of a baby now, the new child will be an only child for almost their last 5 years at home!  Is this fair to them?

·         We’re getting older.  The longer this adoption draws out…the longer it will be before we can retire (because it will mean putting another child through college).

When these thoughts begin to invade I think, “Is this contentment with what we have….or complacency?”  If this is God giving us contentment because He is going to tell us to change course, then I’m thankful.  If this is just complacency and we are veering from God’s true calling…I hate it!  If you have read our adoption journey, you know that there is no doubt that God called us to adoption.  When we first started the process, Mike said something that has always stuck in the back of my mind…and has always bothered me.  He said, “You need to prepare yourself for the idea that there may not be a child at the end of this journey.  God has a plan and we think we know what it is…but we can’t see the whole picture.  He may be calling us down this road for a reason we can’t see…and it may not be for a child.”  At the time, the idea seemed lubricious to me!  As the months and years have passed a voice in the back of my mind says, “What if Mike was right?” 
Recently I talked with a friend about this and she suggested that God could be preparing us for something bigger.  By obeying his calling now, he may be better able to use us in the future.  It seems kinda hard to explain this idea on paper, but it made sense to me when she said it.  It also scared me a little.  If this was an easy “can you obey me?” task….what would He be requiring of us in the future!  I’m not sure I’m ready!

**If you're just now joining us in our adoption journey...make sure you use the links on the right side of the blog to start at the beginning of our story...Answering His Call**

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